We Think Too Much, Don't We?

Angelin took this picture. When she make it as a professional photographer one day and organise an exhibition, I'll support her by going there 3 times...even if it's in London or Johannesburg. hehe

Of all the cliches people like to copy and paste into their lifestyle, thinking out of the box is the one people seldom make fun off no matter how overrated it sounds. Hey. Thinking out of the box can catapult you to your dream of owning a condo at Hartamas (It's the Malaysian Orange County coz some producers made a drama like The OC with Hartamas as their backdrop), driving your dream Ferrari in the streets of KL that somehow make the raging stallions look like a sick donkey and sip those martinis you like at fancy parties where you meet local celebs and get yourself hooked up and possibly, another score!

That, of course, is not the only mould of successful life (and I don't want it...except for the condo part though) but hey, it sure pays to think out of the box.



I realise that we at most times opt to be constrained by human wisdom, human ways of organising and the moulds that we make ourselves for security sake. Even when we choose to be creative, our creativity is within the compounds of the limit our brain can take us to. Even myself, when I expect certain things to occur in my life, I expect them to be how I imagine them to be or how I perceive those matters turn out. But in this world, greater things will happen, even if it is out of our imagination or knowledge of it.

As smart and intelligent human beings can be, we are still limiting ourselves with the theories on the book, or the ones carved on stones. Miracles happen and there's really no need to explain why and how they happened. Why is there a constant urge to explain every single occurences in the world? So that they can be published in hard covers and be sold at RM299.90 with discounts up to 40% when no one buys it? If it's the cure for cancer and AIDS, by all means. Humanity needs them, but does it matter if the world is created by someone of higher authority instead of a product of Big Bang? We are destroying it anyway, so why bother?

In many cases I have seen how I have failed to bring any significance differences in the ministries I serve in at church and I believe the main reason is because I let my own version of organisation or wonderful works limit what He can do to bring changes. I expect changes to be how I expect them to be bt the truth is, things don't always happen that way. He is not limited to our own imagination and expectation, is He?

So now I am going to sit back and not worry or fear too much about life. Hey. It's not that by worrying I'll add another day to my life. Knowing that He holds my future, I shall just live everyday the fullest! (This is also another cliche, right? haha)

It Is Good For You

God gave men choices to decide how they should live their life. Or else we'll be like zombies who automatically offer ourselves to be pastors once we popped out of our mother womb. But, the irony that dwells around this believe is that despite such freedom to choose, we human beings are not capable in doing so many things that many people of the new era wants to do.

Well, it's an inevitable impossibility for us to be asexuals though many would definitely love that. And as much as the idea of 30 hours a day sound extremely perfect for us procrastinators, we know the end is near when such thing happens. And no matter how we hate our memories, we are incapable of erasing them. We can hide them somewhere and live in denial but they are still there dweling in our brains.

I love this irony.



I just finish watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. People in that movie are so eager to erase their sad memories off their brain so that they can move on and live a new life. Well, there's nothing wrong with that, but for someone who has a mix of both good and nad memories, I think bad memories are as good as ginseng to our body.



As bad as they may be, unhappy memories helped shaped who I am today. Failures and humiliation taught me that life needs those lemons to toughen you up. I would never learn to be careful with my responsibility if I was not scrutinised and interrogated in front of a committee meeting that made me walk off after that in tears. Running up the stage to realise that I ran up too soon to claim the prize that was not mine made me realise that I need to be more careful and to always dig your ears when you have time. And of course, the cliche statement of failures lead to success is not an Ancient myth carved on stones as many people had proved it right.



Seriously, there are no memories that I want to erase. The happy ones drive me to live happily everyday, hoping for the best to come. The bad ones remind me that if such things come again, it means it's time to sharpen yourself and adjust whatever is not right in you.

What A Trip

The leaf fell off the tree right after Angelin asked me 'Aren't you taking any pictures?' and when I looked at it, I knew it would be a nice thing to shoot with my camera phone. Such randomness is what make life so interesting sometimes. I hope such randomness comes to me often..or it'll be better if I have the curiousity to seek and capture those wonderful moments. When I was holding Angelin's DSLR at Batu Feringghi last Sunday, I realised that I have no idea what to shoot. I even whined to Angelin 'I don't know what to shoot'. It's a God made plan that I still have not received my dream DSLR.



There are not Godiva, but Aimee. Aimee gave me this box of chocolate called Aimee as my late 21st birthday gift so that I can remember her all the time. Gosh. I think she's secretly in love with me =p....Woman. You are taken...(ahahahahha. Gosh. Muka tembok moment) It's things like this that put a smile on your face, and reminds you to savour every bite of it because your friend probably used his/her lunch money to get you this (Yea, it's too exagerrating but in Aimee's case, skipping lunch is almost becoming a culture..Eat Up, my friend. hehe) Gosh, I just took six like a starved Indian kid. I better slow down.


Angelin said I could go to jail for this.

I miss those days where I innocently go to a place without worries, knowing that my next moments are already planned and all I have to do is just have fun. I tried to get that feeling for this trip actually, because my last Penang trip was almost like that. As much as I like randomness, I am afraid that things will go chaotic and people ended up being unhappy. Maybe I thought about it too much sometimes and let it robbed the joy of it.



But I thank God for the scenic views and the moments he gave my anxiety a rest so that I can enjoy my time at the beach. I didn't take many pictures though throughout the trip but with these, I am satisfied. The taste of the cendol, the laksa and the burger that I craved and loved are still vivid.



I sometimes wish such things come in a book or something..or like a litmus paper. Then I can just read about it with my taste buds feedng those wonderful tastes. Or licking those flavours out of a litmus paper and carrying them around so that I can taste tehm whenever I want. But then again, such convenience will make us appreciate such wonders less.

No More Of Those 'I'm Not Good Enough' Rubbish

Top: G2000 (Adik aku punya)
Tie: My Tie Shop
Trousers: Durban (Very uncle-looking lah!)
Shoes: Obermain man heels
*Underwear: Maroon Renoma sports bikini (upon special request. ahahahhahah)
Do I look good enough to eat?

I am out to live differently now. The old me used to be very insecure with my big head being so out of proportion to my body, who is still not the model-like one with no thanks to my laziness to work out. I was also very concerned with how people will look and think of me. I don't want to sound desperate, don't want to be deemed 'trying to hard', definitely not the the evil one, or someone who is hypocrite. That is why I always try my best to shape myself to fit how people would want me to be. If I were a Pokemon, I will be like Ditto. That is why I am so afraid to call my friend whom introduced me to work at his place to check out about my next interview coz I was so afraid to sound desperate.


I went to this beach-themed lounge last Friday and it was awesome. The ambience was so soothing, so relaxing. You will really feel like you are at some beach resort and the best part is, this building was an old, Anglo-Saxon-ish house that was pimped.

But then again, I realise that such paranoia and insecurities are worthless if the people you try to be are not the ones who cares about you. If I tolerate or be someone else for someone who really treasures your presence, I am totally fine with it because it is worthy to be done so. Because I know they will do the same too sometimes whenever necessary. Also, being like that had stopped me from doing so many other things that I could possibly do but missed them just because of the fear to embarass myself.


The cover of the menus are self-made I think. They are all different and they look like the art work we used to do when we were at primary school where we colour leaves with water colours and stamp them on sugar paper.

I know that I can never please everyone, so I decide to be who I think I should and supposed to be. I know that my fears and insecurities had kept me from loads of opportunities, mso now I will not miss it for the world. So what if I sound desperate? I am just concerned with the job. I want to know what's the result so that I can move on, find other jobs if I'm not accepted. You know I was so afraid what people might think of me till I chose not to do anything and wait. Just wait for someone to do something or make a move so that I can go on with the paths that was picked by others. I really should not live like this.


I had a virgin mojito. It was good. I think it's because of the brown sugar they added to it. It looked like some glass filled with water and grass right? Coz they put loads of mint and my camera wasn't good enough to capture it. ahahahhahaha.

Remember I had this post previously about over-achieving people making us feel inferior? I shall not care about them anymore. I was so disturbed by it till it gave me pressure to do something significant. The thought of being 21 and the world will verbally kill me if I don't achieve anything or act maturely at this age. I forgot what I used to tell myself-that success is self-defined, and the road to success varies. It's funny how something that was supposed to encourage you to dream and go beyond our limits turn out to be burden and pressure that made you fell like a loser.



I seriously don't want to live like that anymore. I really have to think what matters to me most and what will be good for me and the people I truly love and care. Of course, Him too. And the next time I go to Palate Palette, I will make sure I go with the ones who really treasures me =) At least we can revisit our beach vacation moments...minus the beach..minus the sea..and minus the fried squids.

All These Shall Stop!!

One phone call, some deep thoughts and a blog entry in my best kawan's blog later, I have decided to stop trying my best to please everyone around me anymore. No more thinking about how people will think of me. Now I will just live for myself, for God, for the people who truly cares for me and my hopes and dreams. Tell you all more about it later. And I found out this great hang out spot that we all can go at night when you leng luis come back nanti. hehe

Le Lookbook pic...
Top from Samuel & Kevin (2 for RM59.90. I have another in blue)
Shorts given by my dad's client.
Shoes from Bata (I washed it yesterday and it's now green T.T)

I have 2 months break but I have no idea what to do with it. Those people from Starbucks have not called me for the second interview. I think it's because I answered Pan Mee instead of Green Tea Soy Latte when thy asked me what's my favourite food. T.T

I thought about making a list but you know me with lists. Make them but never follow them. I thought of going somewhere for another interview again. Or stay at home to read...(tried that last time. FAILED) Maybe I should go pick up a hobby....Pole dancing? Candle-making? Take more lookbook style pictures? Knitting? Scuba diving? Wait. I can't swim.

Maybe I should write a script about a 21 year old trying to make his break productive but failed at the end. Sigh.

But honestly, I am glad that the break is here. I can finally get the break I wanted. For the past few weeks, I emo-ed everyday because I was so tired of the essays. I had no mood to write my essays, I think I crapped my last 2 essays just to get it done with. I really wanted to stay at home and play computer games for the whole day or buy a lot of DVDs and spend my whole morning watching them. I bought Revolutionary Road and my adik told me that it was good, very dramatic. Maybe I should get to that..or the Twilight DVD.

Now I have all the time in the world but there's this pressure to spend it wisely so that I won't end up doing nothing for my break. Maybe I should stop thinking about being productive and just get the rest I need. Just bum around for a while until something comes. Penang trip is coming soon...I just have to earn those cash. Hmm...