No More Of Those 'I'm Not Good Enough' Rubbish

Top: G2000 (Adik aku punya)
Tie: My Tie Shop
Trousers: Durban (Very uncle-looking lah!)
Shoes: Obermain man heels
*Underwear: Maroon Renoma sports bikini (upon special request. ahahahhahah)
Do I look good enough to eat?

I am out to live differently now. The old me used to be very insecure with my big head being so out of proportion to my body, who is still not the model-like one with no thanks to my laziness to work out. I was also very concerned with how people will look and think of me. I don't want to sound desperate, don't want to be deemed 'trying to hard', definitely not the the evil one, or someone who is hypocrite. That is why I always try my best to shape myself to fit how people would want me to be. If I were a Pokemon, I will be like Ditto. That is why I am so afraid to call my friend whom introduced me to work at his place to check out about my next interview coz I was so afraid to sound desperate.


I went to this beach-themed lounge last Friday and it was awesome. The ambience was so soothing, so relaxing. You will really feel like you are at some beach resort and the best part is, this building was an old, Anglo-Saxon-ish house that was pimped.

But then again, I realise that such paranoia and insecurities are worthless if the people you try to be are not the ones who cares about you. If I tolerate or be someone else for someone who really treasures your presence, I am totally fine with it because it is worthy to be done so. Because I know they will do the same too sometimes whenever necessary. Also, being like that had stopped me from doing so many other things that I could possibly do but missed them just because of the fear to embarass myself.


The cover of the menus are self-made I think. They are all different and they look like the art work we used to do when we were at primary school where we colour leaves with water colours and stamp them on sugar paper.

I know that I can never please everyone, so I decide to be who I think I should and supposed to be. I know that my fears and insecurities had kept me from loads of opportunities, mso now I will not miss it for the world. So what if I sound desperate? I am just concerned with the job. I want to know what's the result so that I can move on, find other jobs if I'm not accepted. You know I was so afraid what people might think of me till I chose not to do anything and wait. Just wait for someone to do something or make a move so that I can go on with the paths that was picked by others. I really should not live like this.


I had a virgin mojito. It was good. I think it's because of the brown sugar they added to it. It looked like some glass filled with water and grass right? Coz they put loads of mint and my camera wasn't good enough to capture it. ahahahhahaha.

Remember I had this post previously about over-achieving people making us feel inferior? I shall not care about them anymore. I was so disturbed by it till it gave me pressure to do something significant. The thought of being 21 and the world will verbally kill me if I don't achieve anything or act maturely at this age. I forgot what I used to tell myself-that success is self-defined, and the road to success varies. It's funny how something that was supposed to encourage you to dream and go beyond our limits turn out to be burden and pressure that made you fell like a loser.



I seriously don't want to live like that anymore. I really have to think what matters to me most and what will be good for me and the people I truly love and care. Of course, Him too. And the next time I go to Palate Palette, I will make sure I go with the ones who really treasures me =) At least we can revisit our beach vacation moments...minus the beach..minus the sea..and minus the fried squids.